


Big Trouble in Little Britain

by schehrezade2005



Category: Psych
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-29
Updated: 2013-03-29
Packaged: 2017-12-06 22:18:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/740778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schehrezade2005/pseuds/schehrezade2005
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a man turns up dead in the streets of Little Britain, Shawn and Gus befriend a witness to learn more about the crime, football, and pub food. Shawn struggles with Juliet's new romance with Declan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like Scary Sherry

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

It was a perfect day. Well, it was a perfect day in terms of the weather, anyway: sun shining, not a cloud in the sky, a light breeze that floated inland from off the ocean. It certainly wasn't a perfect day for the body lying under a tarp in the middle of the road that ran through Little Britain. Red double decker busses were stopped just beyond the police tape surrounding the crime scene and tourists and citizens alike were clustered near the yellow border trying to see what had happened. Carlton Lassiter squinted up into the shade of the brick apartment building window from which the body had supposedly fallen. It was the only window that was open, so it was easy to spot, but it seemed unusual for such a nice day.

He heard the deliberate steps of his partner Juliet O'Hara as she approached and he turned momentarily away from the building to face her.

"What do we have, O'Hara?"

"Victim's name is Gordon Smith. Male, late 40s. Witnesses say he took a swan dive from the sixth story window where he lived with his niece." Juliet gestured over her shoulder to a blond woman in an oversized sweater, leggings, and knit grey cap talking with another uniformed officer. "She was in the apartment when it happened. We're interviewing her now."

"Good. Seems pretty straightforward," Lassiter mused as he circled the body. "I'm thinking it was a suicide. Niece may have tried to talk him out of it, but the world was just too much for him. Seems like a pretty open and shut case." The grin he wore momentarily faded as he spotted Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster approaching through the crowd of onlookers. "No, no, no, no, NO!" he shouted as he ran toward them.

"Everybody relax, I'm here," Shawn smiled. 

Lassiter glared at him. "What are you doing here, Spencer?"

"Psychic vibrations, sent out through time and space, drawing me to this exact place. I'm sensing a case here."

"No, Spencer. Shoo! Go away!"

Shawn ducked under the yellow crime scene tape but Lassiter stood blocking his path. Gus stayed rooted to his spot. "Really, Lassie?" Shawn asked.

"Come on, Carlton," Juliet sighed. "It can't hurt to let them have a look."

Lassiter turned and fixed his gaze on Juliet. "Stay out of it, O'Hara."

"What do we have Lassie?" Shawn had passed Lassiter and was staring down at the white tarp.

"Suicide. You're not needed or wanted here, Spencer. Now, go back to whatever video game you were playing and leave the police work to the professionals." Lassiter glared at Shawn through his aviators. 

"Play nice, Lassie. Just let me take a look and I'll be out of your hair," Shawn said as he used his sneaker to poke at the dead man's foot. "Come on, Gus. I need you."

"No, Shawn. You know I don't like dead bodies. Besides, look at all that blood on the cement. His head is probably hamburger...oh god, I should not have eaten on the way over here." Gus looked queasy and turned away, bracing himself on a blue telephone box.

"I told you that wouldn't be a good idea to eat before going to a crime scene," Shawn reasoned as he knelt and lifted an edge of the tarp. "Yeah, that's hamburger alright." He heard Gus retch behind him but didn't turn around.

"Guy took a swan dive out of the sixth story window," Juliet repeated matter of factly as she turned to face where Shawn was kneeling next to the body.

"Scary Sherry..." Shawn murmured as he looked up toward the sixth floor and then back down at the body. He narrowed his eyes as he focused in on the fingernails. There looked like there was some residue that was either paint or skin and there were defensive wounds on the hands.

Shawn stood quickly and put his middle and pointer finger to his temple. "I am sensing that this was not a suicide."

Juliet folded her arms and Lassiter stared at him, hands on his hips. "Spencer, no one asked for your opinion. You are not on this case."

"I think you'll find that I'm right, Lassie. Like I always am."

"Since when...always right my ass!" Lassiter sputtered. 

"Fine, fine." Shawn held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I can appreciate that my sage advice is not needed at this time. You know where to find me," Shawn winked at Juliet, ducked back under the police tape and toward the Blueberry.

"I don't know how he does that, but I wish he would stop," Lassiter remarked as he ground his teeth.

Shawn got into the Blueberry where Gus was hiding and thankfully, looking a little less green.

"Can't you just learn to wait until they call us before you show up at a crime scene?" Gus asked.

"Now, where's the fun in that, Gus? I can just sense when I am needed, and this was one of those times." 

Gus made as tsking noise and started the car.

"I can't help it, Gus."

"Yes you can, Shawn. You just don't want to."

Shawn and Gus tsked at each other as they drove away.


	2. And There It Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn & co. learn what happened to the victim. Shawn is introduced to British sports culture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

Lassiter, Juliet, Shawn, Gus, Chief Vick, and Henry Spencer were crowded on one side of the autopsy table waiting for Woody to get started with his findings. The corpse on the table was covered, but Gus still looked like he wanted to run out of the room.

"Does anyone want a drink before we get started?" Woody smiled as he opened one of the lockers. "I have sodas, waters, beer..."

"Woody..." Chief Vick sighed.

"Fine, fine, no drinks." Woody closed the locker and turned back toward the table where he picked up one of the hands from under the sheet. "I found some defensive wounds on the victim's hands, which suggests the victim was in an altercation before he died. I also found some paint residue under the fingernails that corresponds with the scratch marks on the window noted in the crime scene report."

"So, he didn't pull a Scary Sherry?" Shawn asked.

"Shawn," Henry sighed and rolled his eyes. "Sherry didn't take a swan dive out a window, and you know that."

"I can't argue with urban legend, Dad," Shawn reasoned.

"Do we have any info on our guy yet?" Chief Vick interrupted.

"Running his name through the database now, Chief," Juliet supplied. "We should have a hit soon."

"Good. Well, it looks like Mr. Spencer was right: this wasn't a suicide," Vick said. Lassiter sighed and threw up his hands. "In light of that development, I'll let you and Mr. Guster assist with the case."

Shawn and Gus bumped fists.

"But if you put one hair out of place, I'm pulling you. Little Britain is technically British soil, so tread carefully," Vick cautioned as she left the room with Henry.

"Sweet!" Shawn squealed.

"Unbelievable," Lassiter sighed.

"Aw, don't be so hard on yourself, Lassie." Shawn put a hand on Lassiter's shoulder, but Lassiter shrugged it off.

"Once, just once, I want to have a case stay shut without you opening it again!" Lassiter growled as he stalked out of the room. Juliet hesitated for a moment, then followed him, shouting after him.

"Thanks, Woody," Shawn smiled as he held out his hand to the coroner.

"Anytime, Shawn," Woody replied shaking Shawn's outstretched hand. "But I have to tell you, this is all a little odd."

"Odd how?" Gus interjected.

"Well, in addition to the defensive wounds on his hands, he has several bruised ribs, consistent with an older injury."

"How much older?" Shawn inquired as he studied a red and gold crest tattoo on the exposed arm. He gestured at Gus to take a picture of the body art.

"Oh, at least a couple of weeks...very recent actually. It could have been a bar fight," Woody remarked as he turned to retrieve a clipboard from a table behind him. Gus quickly snapped a picture of the crest tattoo when Woody's back was turned and had stashed the phone before Woody turned back.

"Our Mr. Smith was quite the fighter, but he certainly didn't win any of them," Woody mused, lips pursed.

"Thanks Woody," Shawn smiled politely as he and Gus left autopsy. Once they were clear of the doors, Gus pulled out his phone.

"Why did we take a picture of his tattoo? What is this anyway?"

"Well, it looks like a crest of something," Shawn said as he took the phone from Gus. 

"Could be a family crest," Gus suggested. "Families have those in England. It's like a symbol for your house."

"Like in Harry Potter."

"Not really...."

"I want a symbol. We should get a symbol for the Psych office. I'm thinking, something like, my profile," Shawn posed with his fingers to his temple, "surrounded by a magnifying glass. And we can use photoshop to make me look like Curt Smith."

Gus scoffed. "No, Shawn. We are not getting a crest. Besides, we already have a logo."

"You're no fun," Shawn sighed as he enlarged the photo. It looked like there was a banner that read 'Manchester United' in the top center of the tattoo. "Does 'Manchester United' mean anything to you?"

"'Manchester United'?" Gus took the phone from Shawn and studied the photo again. "No, not really. Maybe it's like a protest thing."

"Well, protest or not, we should check this out," Shawn said as he jogged up the stairs into the main floor of the police department. Men and women in uniform drifted from one end of the hall to the other, each busy with tasks that Shawn wasn't particularly interested in. All he was interested in was seeing what he could find out about the tattoo. He and Gus wove around desks until they reached Henry's workspace, which was momentarily vacated. Shawn sat down in the chair, opened the internet browser, and typed 'Manchester United' into the search bar.

The results had nothing to do with a protest. In fact, it looked like Manchester United was a football club in England.

"Huh, I didn't know Brits played football. I thought they were more refined than that," Shawn mused.

"It's not football football, Shawn. In England, they call soccer football," Gus said matter of factly as he stared over Shawn's shoulder.

"First of all, why can't they just call it soccer like everyone else?"

"Americans are actually the only ones that call it soccer," Gus interjected.

"Second of all," Shawn continued, ignoring Gus' interjection, "it frightens me that you know that."

"Football is a huge deal in England, Shawn. They have huge groups of fans called hooligans that get together in pubs to drink beer and watch the games."

"Okay, you have officially redeemed yourself," Shawn said as he closed the internet browser and looked across the room to Juliet, who was staring intently at her computer screen. He got up from the chair and crossed to her desk.

"Hey, Jules, whatcha got?" Shawn asked jovially as he took a seat on the corner of her desk.

"Still nothing," Juliet sighed, not looking up from her computer. "This guy is a complete ghost. He has no record, no driver's license, no nothing. It's like he doesn't exist."

"Wouldn't there be something through immigration?" Gus suggested.

"You would think, but it looks like our guy might have slipped into the country illegally." Juliet closed the window she was looking at and opened another. "The niece on the other hand..." she trailed off. "Chastity Smith, 28. Student at one of the schools in Little Britain. Model citizen." Juliet tapped at the screen. "It doesn't make any sense."

Shawn put his fingers to his temple. "I'm sensing Gordon was involved with soccer moms." Juliet and Gus frowned. "No, correction, soccer vans. No, that's not right either. Soccer maniacs..."

"Football hooligans?" Juliet asked, suddenly excited.

"Oh, Jules, not you too," Shawn whined. "Why can't they just call it soccer like everyone else?"

"Americans are actually the only ones who call it soccer, Shawn," Juliet mused as she typed frantically. "Here," Juliet pointed. "Chapters of football viewing clubs here in America. Any particular team?"

"Manchester United," Gus supplied. Juliet typed some more, her fingers moving frantically across the keyboard. After a moment she looked up.

"This is it! Look at this!" She pointed to a picture on the screen. "This was taken three months ago at the Dog and Pony Pub in Little Britain. It looks like that's our guy there in the second row." Shawn and Gus leaned over to see. A man in his late forties with thinning brown hair, thick eyebrows, and a pointed chin that matched the description of the dead man stared back at them.

"This is perfect. Lassiter and I need to go check this out. Thanks Shawn!" Juliet gushed.

"Hold up a second, Jules. I don't know if I want you walking into some pub full of maniacs to follow up on a lead," Shawn held up a hand and shook a finger at her. "As men, I think Gus and I should go to the pub."

"That's your reasoning?" Gus shook his head.

"We can't have Jules going into a den of weirdoes..." Shawn started.

"I am perfectly capable of handling myself, Shawn. In fact, I daresay I can handle myself much better than you," Juliet smiled. "Besides, you don't even like soccer."

"It's true, I don't. It's just a bunch of guys kicking a ball back and forth back and forth back and forth for...hours on end...nothing happens." Shawn threw up his hands.

Gus scoffed. "You just can't appreciate the skill and the strategy of the game."

"Says the man whose idea of a fun weekend activity is watching Modern Marvels reruns on the History Channel," Shawn scoffed.

"Don't you knock the History Channel, Shawn!"

"ESPN, Gus, come on. I'm just saying...."


	3. Lassie Doesn't Like Crying Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lassiter interrogates a murder witness and unwillingly shares his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

Lassiter sat with his hands primly folded on the table in front of him and stared intently at the young woman sitting in front of him. She had a round face and curly blond hair that was tucked into a grey knit cap, her fingers worrying a loose thread on her multicolored scarf. They had been sitting in silence since they had brought her back to the station. It wasn't like she was in trouble, but Lassiter thought she was acting awfully shifty for someone who was only considered a witness. 

"Can I get you some water or something?" Lassiter asked, breaking the silence. 

Chastity stared blankly at him. "Sure," she spoke in a soft Westchester accent. "Water would be nice."

Lassiter turned toward the viewing room wall behind him. "McNabb, can we get some water in here?!" Lassiter forced a smile as he turned back to Chastity. "It will be here in a moment."

"Thank you."

Silence.

"Can we...talk about what happened?" Lassiter asked slowly. Chastity's face crumpled into a frown and she looked like she was going to burst into tears, which she did. She buried her face in her scarf and rested her forehead on the table.

"Or not..." Lassie trailed off. He bit his lip and studied the huddled mass in front of him. She was clearly scared, and he could understand how she felt; he just didn't want to understand. It wasn't that he didn't have any compassion, he just had a harder time being compassionate when people weren't cooperating.

"I'm sorry," a muffled apology came from the lump across the table. "It's just..." Chastity looked up at Lassiter, her green eyes glistening with tears, chin still hidden by the scarf. "He was my uncle...he was all I had...and now he's gone." Her lip quivered. "We were going to go to Disneyland. I've always wanted to go to Disneyland...and meet Mickey Mouse..." She sniffled and Lassiter cringed. "He was all I had!" Chastity buried her head back in her scarf as a fresh wave of tears overcame her ability to talk coherently.

Lassiter pursed his lips and said nothing. The door opened to his left and McNabb entered with a glass of water, which he set gingerly on the table in front of Chastity. She looked up when she heard the tumbler on the table, and wrapped her hands around the glass, holding it carefully almost like it was too big for her hands. Lassiter and McNabb watched in silence as she took a small sip and rested the glass back down on the table.

"I'm sorry for your loss," McNabb said, leaning forward slightly toward Chastity. 

She smiled at him. "Thank you."

"Thank you, McNabb, you may go," Lassiter said dismissively. "Go find O'Hara and tell her to get down here."

McNabb straightened. "Yes, sir." He scurried out of the room, shutting the door loudly behind him.

Chastity and Lassiter sat again in silence, Lassiter staring at Chastity, Chastity at her glass of water.

"You know, I lost my father when I was young," Lassiter started. Chastity looked up at him and frowned, but he continued. "He was just...there one day and gone the next. And it was so hard...when he was gone...everything changed." Lassiter could feel a lump in his throat. "My mother met a woman named Althea and they moved in together and I was just so...bitter. I couldn't understand how she could move on so...quickly..."

"How did he die?" Chastity interrupted. Lassiter looked up, dumbfounded. "Did he fall out of a window too?" she asked.

"No," Lassiter exhaled. "It was just...too much for him...when my mother came out of the closet..."

"Why was she in the closet?" Chastity wondered out loud. Lassiter stared. "Were you playing hide and seek?"

"Hide...what? No. It's an expression for when someone tells you they're gay."

"She told you she was happy and it made your dad sad?"

"No...gay. As in, she likes other women." Lassiter paused. "My mother is a lesbian."

Chastity's eyes widened and she sat up slowly. "Oh, I see." She smiled. "Does being with women make her happy?"

"Yes," Lassiter mused. "Yes, I suppose it does."

"Then you shouldn't be sad about it."

"It's just hard for me to understand..."

"It's hard for me to understand too," Chastity frowned. 

Lassiter leaned forward. "It is. It is hard to know what people are thinking...why they do the things that they do...why people we love are taken from us." Chastity sniffled and nodded, rubbing her eyes with her large sleeves. "But I want to help you understand why your uncle was taken from you. Can you help me do that?"

Chastity nodded. Lassiter smiled and leaned back in his chair. "Did you notice anything unusual about your uncle today?"

"He...he said he was going down to the pub...that he would be right back." She paused thoughtfully. "He goes there to watch football and drink, but only at night, after I was in bed. Uncle Gordon never drank in the middle of the day...but when he came home, I was so scared." 

Chastity's lower lip trembled. "I heard loud voices coming up the stairs to the flat, so I hid in my room. There was another voice...another man...he and Uncle Gordon were arguing about something...I couldn't hear them." A single tear dribbled down her cheek. "I don't like it when he shouts. Then the door shut really loud and it was just quiet. I heard someone moving around in the flat, but I don't know if it was Uncle Gordon or not...then the door shut again. As soon as I thought it was safe I came out of my room."

"But your uncle wasn't there?"

"No...I thought he might have left again. Then I noticed the window was open. I'm not allowed to have the window open. So I went to go shut it...and that's when I noticed...he was in the street...and he wasn't moving..." Chastity was blubbering now, tears streaking her face. She buried her face back into her scarf and continued to sob as Lassiter got up slowly and walked around the table to put a hand on her shoulder.

"Just...cry it out..." Lassiter said as gently as he could manage as he patted Chastity gingerly for a brief second before retreating out of the room, nearly running into Juliet.

"Took you long enough, O'Hara. I really could have used you in there." Lassiter gestured behind him. "I don't do well with the touchy-feely crap."

Juliet raised an eyebrow. "You must have been doing just fine without me if you got her to talk." Her eyes narrowed. "You...did...get her to talk without pulling your gun, didn't you, Carlton?"

Lassiter put his hands on his hips. "Yes," he remarked, indignant. "I am capable of getting people to talk without the help of my firearm....I just don't like to..." He looked at a spot on the floor, deep in thought. Chastity's wailing grew louder inside the holding room.

"Carlton, is she crying? Did you make her cry?" Juliet pointed emphatically at the door.

"No," Lassiter crossed his arms. "She was already weepy when I went in there." Juliet frowned. "She just lost her uncle, O'Hara. She's having a hard time..." 

Juliet continued to stare at him.

"What? I'm not completely made of stone. I have feelings!"

Juliet sighed. "I never said you didn't, it's just hard for me to imagine you being compassionate...well, not hard to imagine...it's just...not something that happens a lot."

Lassiter and Juliet stared awkwardly at each other, remembering the embrace they had shared when Juliet had been saved from certain death after being captured by Mr. Yin. It had been so comforting for her to just cry into Lassiter's shoulder, to not have to explain the trauma, to just have someone be there.

"Anyway," Juliet shook her head, "Shawn divined a lead that I think might be worth checking out." She held out a folder. "Victim had a football tattoo on his arm and we found a picture of him with a footballers club."

Lassiter took the folder and flipped through the papers. "This is good, O'Hara. We have to go down to that pub and question some of those hooligans...see if they can give us a lead."

"What about Chastity?" Juliet gestured again toward the door to the holding room, where loud sobs could still be heard.

"Kleenex and a good night's sleep should do the trick," Lassiter mumbled as he continued to look through the file Juliet had handed him.

"Carlton! I meant, what did she say about her uncle?"

"He left to go drink in the middle of the day, came home shouting, she hid in her room. Thinks there may have been a second man that came in arguing with the uncle, but even she admitted she couldn't be sure."

"Still sounds like something we should follow up on," Juliet shrugged.


	4. No One Expects the Spanish Inquisition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn and Gus search for leads in the victim's apartment. Gus starts to develop a crush on the murder witness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

Shawn and Gus drove back to Little Britain the next afternoon to look at the victim's apartment to see if they could glean any new evidence in the case. With Juliet and Lassie taking the lead on the business with the pub, the apartment was the only place Shawn and Gus could be without potentially stepping on any toes...especially Lassie's toes.

The streets of Little Britain were bustling shoppers and tourists pouring off brig red double-decker busses, armed with cameras, fanny packs, and large suitcases that would no doubt soon be full of cheap knick knacks to take back to their permanent homes. The tourists and the residents huddled in pods on the sidewalks, residents carefully sidestepping the tourists as if they were dirty peasants with some awful disease. Shawn studied them absently as Gus crawled to a stop behind one of the tour busses.

"Are you sure we're parked on the right side of the street?" Shawn wondered as he squinted into the early afternoon sun.

"Of course, Shawn. I'm parked behind the bus, on the same side of the street as the bus, so, yes. We're parked on the correct side of the street." Gus took the keys out of the ignition and got out of the Blueberry. 

Shawn hesitated for a moment and then got out of the car as well. "Y'know, I've never understood why they don't drive on the right side of the road. Why left?"

"I've never actually wondered that, but now that you mention it, it is strange that that practice never crossed the pond."

"Crossed the pond? Who talks like that?"

"Brits talk like that, Shawn," Gus frowned.

"They didn't say things like 'cross the pond' in Harry Potter, which, by the way, is where I learned all of my British," Shawn admonished proudly.  
"British is still English, they just have an accent."

"No, Mr. Guster," Shawn said in his North London accent, "it is you that has the accent. Americans are so vulgar when they speak. We Brits are so much more refined, what with Bowie and Freddie Mercury and The Smiths...tea...The Queen...Bond...James Bond...."

"Right. Let's just get up to the apartment and look around like we told the chief we would."

"Spit spot then, Mr. Guster!" Shawn clapped his hands. "Off we go."

Gus rolled his eyes and the two men made their way across the street. The building was quiet in stark contrast to the noise in the street. The plush red carpets and blood red walls seemed to muffle everything as soon as Shawn and Gus stepped into the lobby. They looked at each other, back at the main door, back to each other, shrugged, and made their way to the elevator.

After exiting on the sixth floor, the men made their way down the hall to apartment 606. Shawn tried the door, but it was locked. Frowning, he pulled a lock pick kit out of his back pocket and bent to pick the lock.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? Shouldn't we just ask the super to open the door for us?" Gus leaned down next to Shawn.

"What's the fun in that? Besides, it will be like we were never here," Shawn smiled as the lock clicked open. He turned the handle and the door swung open to reveal Chastity on the other side, armed with a frying pan. She was still wearing the same oversized sweater and leggings she had on the day before, but no knit cap.

Shawn and Gus stood slowly, careful not to break eye contact lest Chastity pounce on them with her kitchenware.

She eyed them warily. "Who are you? What are you doing here?"

"I'm Shawn Spencer, and this is my associate, Mr. Blobby." Shawn nodded in Gus's direction. "I'm a psychic detective with the Santa Barbara Police Department."

"Please don't kill us with your frying pan," Gus squeaked.

"Gus," Shawn sighed. "Look at her. She's clearly not going to kill us, she's just scared."

Chastity nodded emphatically but did not drop her arms.

"Will you relax," Shawn continued. "I'll make sure your tombstone doesn't read 'Maimed to Death by Cookware'."

"That's not what I'm afraid of, Shawn..."

"We've clearly been caught breaking and entering, but I assure you, our intentions are good. We just wanted to look around to find clues about who might have killed your uncle." Shawn took a cautious step forward. "Is it okay if we look around?"

"How do I know you're really a psychic?" Chastity asked.

Gus tsked. Shawn grinned. "I'll prove it to you."

He took a moment to notice the frying pan in her hand. It has not been washed very thoroughly, though at first glance it appeared to be clean. There were still grease streaks in the bottom of the pan.

Shawn put his fingers to his temple. "I'm sensing that you were in the kitchen cleaning up after yesterday's breakfast. Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe you used that pan to fry up some bacon."

Chastity frowned and examined the pan. Gus sniffed the air as he carefully moved past Chastity toward the kitchen.

"It does smell like bacon in here..." Gus confirmed.

Chastity looked wide-eyed at Shawn. "How did you do that?"

"It's a gift," Shawn smiled.

"Are you like, a magician or something?"

"You could say that I am very much like a magician, yes."

"He does make things and ideas appear out of nowhere," Gus nodded.

"Woooow," Chastity stared. "I've always wanted to meet a magician. Uncle Gordon said they were just people that performed cheap tricks to get your money."

"He does that too," Gus began.

"Gus," Shawn whined. "If Chastity wants me to be a magician, then I am a magician."

"I like magic tricks. Can you do something else?" Chastity asked. The frying pan hung limply at her side. Shawn reached forward and took it out of her hand.

"Yes. For my next trick, I will get Gus to wash the dishes." Shawn crossed the room to Gus and handed him the frying pan.

"What are you doing, Shawn?" Gus whispered.

"Just play along. If we can talk to her a little more, we might get an edge over Lassie."

"If you hadn't noticed, we did have an edge until you gave up that lead about the football!"

"I didn't give it up, Gus," Shawn scoffed. "I just needed some help making sense of my psychic visions. You're not the only one that can do that, you know." Gus rolled his eyes. "Now, go in there and wash the dishes like a good housewife."

"I am not a housewife Shawn!" Gus responded tersely. 

"Really? I don't think I want to have this discussion with you right now." Shawn turned and looked over his shoulder at Chastity. "Besides, don't you want to get to know her a little more? She seems like your type."

"I don't have a type, Shawn."

"Everybody has a type, Gus. Beautiful girls with dirty dishes just happen to be yours."

"What?!" Gus squeaked.

"Splendid!" Shawn said loudly as he clapped Gus on the back and turned back to Chastity. "My dear," he gestured to Chastity, "The lovely Mr. Blobby would take your company in the kitchen."

Chastity grinned and Gus smiled coyly as the two went into the kitchen. When they were safely out of sight, Shawn began to search around the apartment. 

In front of him to his right, there were two suede armchairs flanking the large window through which the victim had supposedly jumped. There was a small table sitting next to one of the armchairs that was covered with a stack of papers, another had a large ornate lamp. Immediately in front of him was an open door that likely lead to the bedrooms, and Shawn decided to start there.

The bedroom on the right was painted in pale shades of pink and purple, which was clearly Chastity's room. Shawn peeked in. Everything was in complete disarray. Clothes and shoes were flung everywhere, and several children's pictures had been taped haphazardly to the walls. Nothing really much to look at, so he moved on to what seemed to be the uncle's room.

The uncle's room was considerably neater, save for some clothes thrown over an armchair in the corner and a shaving kit laying on the sink in the bathroom. Shawn rummaged through the closet, where he found several football jerseys, some suits, and a colorful collection of Hawaiian shirts. Some boxes rested on the shelves, but most of them appeared to be shoe boxes, so Shawn left them be. He didn't particularly have an interest in the man's footwear.

Going back into the main room, he examined the window, which was now closed and locked. The edges had some deep scratches and the ledge had some scuff marks, but nothing Shawn considered conclusive. Studying the latch, Shawn lifted the lock and pushed the window open but not without some difficulty; it was much heavier than it looked.

Probably why it was never opened, Shawn mused. The window crashed loudly as it came to a stop. Chastity and Gus ran in from the kitchen.

"What happened? What was that noise?" Gus looked around frantically. Shawn stood staring at them open mouthed and gestured toward the window.

"That was the noise!" Chastity exclaimed.

"What noise?" Shawn's brow furrowed.

"The slamming I heard yesterday. I thought it was the door, but it must have been the window."

Holding the frame, Shawn leaned a few inches out of the window. There was a definite crack in the bricks immediately outside, trailing down the length of the building, so it had likely been there before yesterday. 

Pulling himself back in, Shawn looked at Chastity. "Did you ever open this window?"

"No, I wasn't allowed to have it open. Uncle Gordon kept it locked most of the time. He thought I might lean over and fall out...like he did..." Tears started to form in her eyes. Gus wrapped his arms around her. 

"There, there," he said stroking her hair. "It's going to be fine."

"That's very important, actually. How, I don't know, but it's important." Shawn nodded. he turned to shuffle through the papers on the table next to the window, but most of them appeared to be bills, save for one that read MR F. Whoever he was, he seemed to have a number of medical expenses, Shawn noticed. He frowned as he looked back up toward Gus and Chastity embracing in the doorway to the kitchen.

"I think my work here is done. What do you say to lunch and shopping? That always makes me feel better." 

"Okay," Chastity said slowly. "Can we go to Rusty's?"

"Of course!" Shawn exclaimed. "Gus will pay."

"What?" Gus exclaimed. Chastity looked up at him with her wide green eyes. "I mean, it's the least I can do after we broke into your apartment."

"Flat," Chastity corrected him.

"It's settled then," Shawn grinned.


	5. W Mission Street Hooligans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juliet and Lassie go to a pub to question the patrons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

The Dog and Pony Pub wasn't much from the outside. There was a large multi-paned window over which a sign hung that bore the picture of a dog riding a horse. The whole exterior was painted a gaudy forest green that clashed with most of the rest of the storefronts around it. There wasn't a lot to be said for the interior either. The walls and the carpet matched the same shade of green as the outside, the deep mahogany bar standing out from the rest of the decorating scheme. Stained glass domes hung over each of the several tables lining the wall and scattered around the room. There were a few booths near the bar itself that were upholstered with well-worn suede that might have looked plush if it weren't for the many rips in the fabric.

Lassiter frowned as he removed his aviators and glanced around the empty establishment. "Tell me again why we're here, O'Hara."

"The victim had a football tattoo on his arm and this is where he was known to have been watching matches," Juliet reminded him. "Brits are very dedicated to their teams."

"So I've heard," Lassiter pursed his lips and headed toward the bar. Placing his hands on the counter, he leaned over and looked from one end to the other. "Hello? Anyone here? Santa Barbara Police!"

A large balding man with a red beard appeared from a door on the left behind the bar and eyed them curiously as he made his way toward Lassiter and Juliet. "Bar's not open for another few hours," he said in a lilting Irish accent. "You're a bit early."

"We noticed," Lassiter grimaced. "We just want to ask you a couple of questions about a regular that came in here." Lassiter reached into the breast pocket of his blazer and pulled out a picture of Gordon Smith that had been cut an enlarged from the football club picture Juliet had found. "Did you know this man?"

"Sure," the bartender replied as he took the picture and studied it. "Gordon. Came in to watch the Man U matches. They were having a bad run of it, losing hard, but he's a die-hard fan."

"I see..." Lassiter pursed his lips together. "Did he get into any altercations recently?"

The barkeep shrugged his massive shoulders. "Made 'em take their fights outside. Wouldn't know anything about that."

"His niece mentioned that he came down here yesterday afternoon," Juliet put in.

The bartender frowned. "Well, there was an incident yesterday...in light of his bein' deceased, it's worth mentioning." Lassiter rolled his eyes but said nothing. "Gordon came in 'bout this time yesterday to meet with a bloke. Don't know who he was, didn't see his face, and he had on a dark jacket. Sittin' in a booth over there in the corner; Gordon came in...they were talkin' pretty quietly, but I could tell it was a pretty heated discussion. After a bit, Gordon got up and left in a hurry. Don't know if the bloke followed him or not; he sat there until we opened at five and then I lost track of him."

"I see," Lassiter mumbled as he took down some notes.

"Were either of the men drinking?" Juliet asked.

"No," the bartender shook his head. "Neither of 'em ordered anything to drink. Besides, I wasn't actually open at the time, so the most I could have given them was a glass of water."

"Can you tell us anything more about Gordon?" Juliet leaned a little closer.

"Good bloke. Always paid his tab, paid his debts far as I know." The bartender shrugged. "Don't know how much more help I can be."

"Well, thank you for your time, sir. You've been very helpful," Juliet smiled as she and Lassiter turned away from the bar. Once they were outside, Lassiter let out a heavy sigh.

"That wasn't very helpful. Guy knew about as much as the niece."

"What about the man Gordon met with?" Juliet asked.

"You heard the bartender. Didn't get a look at his face and he was wearing a hood." Lassiter surveyed the roofs of the surrounding businesses. "And it's highly unlikely we can get any surveillance footage. No cameras."

"None of this makes any sense. He has a shady meeting with a man just before he dies, but no way to track the guy down. Bartender said he wasn't drinking but his blood alcohol level was over the legal limit according to the coroner's report. The niece's statement didn't give us much of anything either, except that she confirmed that he had been arguing with someone."

"Something's definitely not right about this," Lassiter agreed, hands on his hips. "There's definitely more going on, but there's no way to prove the murder unless we provide some hard evidence."

"We could get Shawn to talk to the bartender," Juliet suggested tentatively. 

"Y'know, I don't know what it is with you and Spencer, but you've been advocating more for him lately."

"He finds things where we can't. He comes up with leads when we run into dead ends."

"He also has a tendency to lead us on wild goose chases."

"I'm just saying, maybe he can get something out of these guys that we can't," Juliet sighed and gestured back toward the pub. "He's not technically police and he does have a way with people...."

"But he is affiliated with the department and he's done more damage than good on several occasions," Lassiter pointed out.

"Yes, but this was originally his lead, so maybe we ought to let him take over...just for a little while."

"Fine," Lassiter said after a pause. "I don't like it, but fine. I'm willing to let Spencer try to come up with something..even though it goes against all of my instincts."

"You've gone against your instincts before."

"Yes, and look at where it's gotten me. I might be the head detective, but Spencer still manages to worm his way in where he doesn't belong and everyone seems to love him for it. It's disgraceful."

"You're too hard on yourself, Carlton." Juliet's gaze wandered away from Lassiter and fell on a camera nestled under the eaves of a flower shop a couple shops over and across the street. It was almost invisible from any other angle on the street. "Wait, there's a camera. There under the flower shop."

Lassiter followed her gaze and grinned madly. "Brilliant find, O'Hara. We might be able to get a glimpse of our perp after all." He strode purposefully toward the flower shop, Juliet close behind him.


	6. I Spy With My Little Eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn uncovers a potential suspect in the crime and has a revelation about his relationship with Juliet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

The Psych office was a mess and neither Shawn or Gus really cared. They were having far too much fun to worry about the fact that the trash was overflowing with paper plates and plastic cups, the little balls from Hungry Hungry Hippos were littered all over the floor, and several pieces of furniture had been stained with paint.

"I love painting," Chastity said dreamily as she swirled a large blob of red finger paint on the construction paper that was covering the floor between Shawn and Gus's desks. "It's so soothing, and it helps me think."

"It makes me think of Kindergarten," Shawn remarked as he completed the finishing touches on a green dragon. "Best three years of my life."

"You weren't in Kindergarten for three years," Gus interjected. He was carefully drawing a house with a family in the yard and a sun in the sky near Chastity's red swirls.

"No, you're right. But it makes me feel like a kid again." Shawn smiled. 

Gus just shook his head and turned to Chastity. "Is this what you do in school?"

"Yes. I like the finger painting the best. I like the regular painting too. Art is my favorite."

"Is that what you are studying?"

"Well, we do a little bit of everything, actually. I'm learning so much all the time." She smiled and took one of her red fingers and gave the sun a smiling face.

"That's so nice," Shawn said looking up from his painting. "Check it out, Gus. The dragon is burning the castle."

Gus looked over at Shawn's handiwork and his brow furrowed. Shawn's dragon looked nothing like a dragon and the castle just looked like a weird blob of orange, yellow, and red paint.

"It's wonderful!" Chastity exclaimed. "What is the dragon's name?"

"I shall call him...Trogdor...because he burns everything." Shawn announced.

"More like Blobdor," Gus muttered under his breath. Shawn tsked at Gus just as his phone rang. The caller ID read 'Juliet'.

"Hey, Jules, what's up?"

"Where are you?" 

"At the Psych office, why?"

"We found a video surveillance camera at a flower shop across the street from the pub. I think you should come take a look at it."

"Who is it?" Gus whispered.

Shawn covered the mouthpiece of his phone. "Jules. She says they found some video footage she wants me to look at it."

"But it's a little odd, Shawn," Juliet continued.

"Odd how?"

"It's hard to explain."

"On a scale of one to I'm my own grandfather, how difficult is it to explain?" He could sense Juliet was probably rolling her eyes at this.

"Just come down here and take a look at it."

"Okay, we'll be right down. And we're bringing Chastity with us."

"Chastity? The victim's niece?" Juliet sounded incredulous.

"Yeah. Tall, blond, dressed in an oversized sweater..." Shawn paused as Chastity turned and he noticed that she was wearing the sweater inside out. "Which she is wearing inside out...anyway, we'll be right over." Shawn hung up without waiting for Juliet to reply. "Chastity, why are you wearing your sweater inside out?"

"Oh," Chastity looked down at herself and back up at Shawn. "Well, the other side was dirty, but the inside isn't, so I turned it out. I didn't have time to change because you and Gus broke into my flat." She smiled at Gus. "Plus," she added, "if you wear it inside out, everyone knows who you're wearing and they don't have to ask."

"That's very clever of you," Shawn said slowly.

"I mean, what's the point of spending all that money on clothes if no one knows what your wearing?"

"I wouldn't know," Shawn admitted. "I buy most of my things at Target."

***

Shawn frowned and squinted at the television. "What am I looking at, exactly?"

"Well, Spencer, we were hoping you could tell us.'' Lassiter sounded vaguely like he was losing patience.

The tape Lassie and Juliet had found at the flower shop was just like Juliet had described on the phone: odd. The camera angle was situated so that it filmed about a three foot square right in front of the flower shop and for the large part, the footage was an empty street, with the occasional customer coming by to purchase a bunch from the large tubs at the bottom of the screen.

"It looked like it should have been filming a wider area when Lassiter and I were looking at it from the street," Juliet gestured at the television before folding her arms.

Shawn remembered going to the crime scene the day before and briefly noticing the camera, but Juliet was right, it was pointed across the street at the pub, not at the flower shop. Shawn yanked the remote from Lassiter and pressed 'Fast Forward'.

"Spencer!" 

"I think the camera was moved," Shawn said as he watched the screen. "Which is why you didn't notice it yesterday. Or tampered with...the vision is a little fuzzy." He stopped the tape and rewound it. "There."

It looked like it might have been afternoon, but in black and white it was a little difficult to tell. The screen was clearly brightly lit and passers-by paid no attention to the fact that they were on video. Then the screen abruptly went black. When the picture returned, there was a brief image of Gordon Smith leaving the Dog and Pony, then about five minutes later, another man bearing a strong resemblance to Smith appeared on the right side of the screen and seemed to head in the same direction as the murder victim. 

Shawn paused the tape, rewound the tape, and watched it again, starting from when the screen went black. The tape for sure cut out when the screen went black, but there was no blip whatsoever that would explain why Smith went off screen one moment and then reappeared the next. "What would make the tape cut out like that?"

"Well," the tech said from the corner of the room. "Any number of things: power shortage, the screen could have been obscured if you're right about somebody moving the camera."

"But the camera was up so high, you'd have to be much taller to reach it," Juliet pointed out.

"That's true detective," the tech remarked. "Unless it was done on accident."

"How do you accidently move something that's at least seven feet above the ground?" Lassiter frowned. 

Shawn bit his lip and rewound the tape again. "There's something else here..." he muttered. "Something..." Then he saw it. Just at the top of the frame, barely a second before the screen went black. Shawn stopped the camera and pointed emphatically at the screen. "There!"

Gus, Chastity, Lassiter, Juliet, and the tech moved closer to the television squinting.

"What are we looking at Spencer? I don't see anything." Lassiter frowned.

"No, no, look there, at the top of the frame," Juliet tapped the screen. "Is that a ladder?"

"Bingo!" Shawn said, punching the air. "That's how the camera got moved."

"By a ladder?" Lassiter stared disbelievingly at Shawn.

"They come around and clean the storefronts every Tuesday," Chastity chimed in. 

Shawn pointed toward Chastity and nodded. "Ladder guy moves the camera, we manage to catch our victim leaving the pub on tape...and then follows himself home..."

Shawn pressed play again. The screen went black and the five of them again watched Gordon Smith exit the pub followed moments later by himself. 

"See?" Shawn rewound and paused just long enough to manage to get both the victim and his apparent twin in the same frame. 

Juliet, Lassiter, Gus, and Chastity squinted at the television. "You're sure this tape wasn't tampered with?" Lassiter asked. 

The tech in the corner of the room shook his head. "It was thoroughly checked." 

"So there's two of them?" Juliet frowned. 

Shawn moved closer to the screen, his eyes focused in on the second man. A medical alert bracelet was dangling off his wrist just under the sleeve of his jacket, but it was just enough. 

"Not quite," he pointed at the blur of arm. "There. A medical alert bracelet." Shawn turned from the screen to the room at large, pursing his lips. "Whoever the other man is, he has a medical alert bracelet."

"Like this one?" Chastity asked, holding up her wrist. 

Shawn stared. "Yes, just like that." His eyes narrowed for a brief moment when the noticed that it said MR F, just like the medical paperwork back at the apartment.

"How does that help us, Spencer? Do you know how many people have those bracelets?" Lassiter turned on him, hands on his hips.

"I'm not talking about all of Santa Barbara, Lassie. Just the people living in Little Britain." Shawn clarified.

"He's right, Carlton," Juliet said slowly. "That's a much smaller population of people; it should be pretty easy to narrow it down.

"Hold on, I'm also getting a name." Shawn put his fingers to his temple. "Mr. F."

"Mr. F?" Lassie shook his head like he hadn't heard Shawn correctly.

"Mr. F." Shawn repeated. "That's actually kind of fun to say. Mis-ter Eff. Try it, Gus."

"Don't," Juliet said, shaking her head at Gus. "Well, I guess we could get a warrant for medical records to see if anyone with a last name starting with F has a medical alert bracelet."

Lassiter shook his head and stalked out of the room. 

Juliet shrugged and sighed. "Well, I guess we have a lot of work to do. Gus, do you mind taking Chastity back to the hotel?"

"Again?" Chastity asked. "Why can't I go home?"

"We still haven't cleared your apartment...flat...we're not done looking at it yet. I'm sure it's safe, but just to be sure, I want you to stay in the hotel one more night. Is that okay?"

Chastity nodded slowly.

"Think of it like a vacation," Gus smiled as he lead her out of the room. "You can stay up late, jump on the bed, and no one can tell you what to do."

"That's true..." she said slowly, smiling.

Shawn turned to Juliet as Gus and Chastity left the room. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"I found your man...er, well, I found you a second man and a life alert bracelet...and that tape wasn't quite as weird as you thought it was..."

Juliet frowned. "I guess not. But it still doesn't make any sense."

"Isn't that why I'm here?" Shawn asked. "To make sense of the nonsensical?"

"Sometimes you don't even make sense of the nonsensical."

"True, but I like to think I helped make some headway with this."

"We'll see, Shawn," Juliet shrugged.

"So," Shawn said after a pause. "How is Declan?"

Juliet's eyes narrowed. "He's fine, why do you ask?"

"Just...making conversation..."

"Shawn, I want you to be okay with this. I know this is awkward for you, but I need you to grow up a little bit." Shawn said nothing so she continued. "If it's too weird for you, I'll understand, but I want you to be able to walk away if you think that my personal life is going to interfere with us working together."

Shawn nodded slowly.

"I'm sorry to be so blunt with you, but I like him...and he likes me, and I just hope it doesn't interfere with our friendship. I know we've had our moments in the past, but we both need to move on," Juliet sighed as she turned and left the room, leaving Shawn alone.

"What if I don't want to move on?" Shawn asked quietly. "What if I can't?"


	7. What A Twist!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone is trying to intimidate the murder witness...or are they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

Chastity had settled into bed long after her normal bed time of 7:30pm and it felt so liberating. Doing whatever she wanted did have a nice freedom to it, but it was only the first night. She was curled in a ball clutching the thin comforter when she was woken by the sound of the door to her room quietly opening and footsteps coming toward her. She lay as still as possible, hoping whoever it was would go away, but the footsteps continued toward her and went into the bathroom where the intruder turned on the light.

Chastity sat up in the bed and stared at the intruder. She couldn't see his face for a moment, but when he turned around she let out a soft gasp.

It was her uncle, back from the dead. He had Uncle Gordon's same pale hair, pointed chin, and large hands anyhow.

"Uncle Gordon?" she whispered loudly.

"No, darling. I'm your father, not your uncle." The intruder quickly crossed the room toward her. "Now just go back to bed and pretend you didn't see me."

Chastity was confused. This man was her father? But he looked exactly like Uncle Gordon. And Uncle Gordon had told her that her father had run away from their family a long time ago before Chastity was born. Also, Uncle Gordon was dead. She had seen his body in the street, bleeding and broken. She shook her head violently and reached for her phone.

"What are you doing?" the man asked, frightened.

"I have to call the police," Chastity responded breathlessly. "I have to call..." she trailed off as she dialed the number Gus had given her when he dropped her off at the hotel.

"No, no, no...don't call the police. Just put the phone down!" the man exclaimed as he reached toward her.

Chastity screamed.

***

Chastity was sitting comatose with a blanket wrapped around her, sitting on the edge of the bed as police moved around the hotel room dusting for fingerprints and hunting for evidence of the man who had come in uninvited. Gus sat next to her with his arm around her shoulders.

"Unbelievable!" Juliet threw up her hands. "No one could have gotten into this hotel room!" Shawn opened his mouth to say something, but she rounded on him before he could speak. "Not a word out of you!" Shawn's mouth clamped shut. "How could this happen?!"

"Uh, Juliet, you're not making it any better," Gus responded calmly from the bed.

Juliet let out a long breath through her nose, lips pursed. "Okay...okay..." She inhaled deeply and let it out as she crossed to a small table next to the bed where Gus sat with Chastity and began to disassemble and reassemble her weapon. Gus and Shawn watched in mute fascination.

When she was done, Juliet knelt in front of Chastity. "Okay, sweetie, one more time. Can you tell me what happened?"

"It's okay," Gus said when Chastity shook her head. "Tell Juliet what you told me on the phone."

"I was asleep," Chastity began. "I heard to door open and I heard footsteps. I thought maybe if I pretended to be asleep he would go away. " She paused for a moment and then continued. "The light in the toilet came on, so I sat up...and...and..." Chastity pointed toward the bathroom. "He was standing right there."

"Who was standing there?" Juliet asked.

"It...it looked like Uncle Gordon. He had pale hair, and big hands...and he said he was my father not my uncle..." Chastity's brow furrowed. "But it was Uncle Gordon...but Uncle Gordon is dead..." She dissolved into tears on Gus's shoulder. Gus patted her reassuringly.

"So...your uncle is your father?" Shawn asked from the dresser where he had been playing with the remote. 

Juliet glared at him. "Shawn, don't be ridiculous."

"I'm not being ridiculous, Jules. Think about it. What if the uncle and the father..." Shawn paused dramatically as he put his fingers to his temple. "Were twins?"

Juliet and Gus stared at Shawn as though he had suggested they order cocoa from room service and watch cartoons curled up on the bed.

"It would explain why Chastity thought it was her uncle, and she admitted that she hasn't ever met her father," Shawn reasoned.

"That's true," Gus said slowly. "It does make sense."

Juliet let out an exasperated sigh as she stood and turned toward Shawn. "Okay, let's say you're theory is right..."

"It is!" Shawn insisted. "It might be a long shot, I will admit, but I don't see many other explanations."

"It's still a little out there, Shawn. Besides, there was no other mention of living family members in the states in Chastity's file..."

Shawn had a momentary memory of several photo albums sitting on a shelf in Chastity's apartment and some opened mail that were postmarked 'Liverpool'. He put his fingers to his temple again and closed his eyes. "Check the apartment again. I think you will find some mail with an address in Britain and some family photo albums."

"I wasn't allowed to look at those," Chastity said, her face still buried in Gus's shoulder. "Uncle Gordon would get mad if I tried. I told him I just wanted to see pictures of my mother..." she sniffled.

"This guy is starting to sound more and more like a tyrant..." Juliet mumbled as Lassiter appeared in the hotel room.

"Good news. Looks like we got an ID on the guy that broke into the hotel room," he grinned. Shawn, Gus, Juliet, and Chastity all looked at him blankly. "No need to get so excited," he said as the smile melted off his face. "Guy's name is Gordon Smith...wait..." he trailed off. "Dammit!" 

Juliet groaned and looked up at the ceiling."We're back where we started! We need to get that hotel security footage to see if we can run facial recognition and get a real ID."

"Good idea, O'Hara."

"I also think," Shawn chimed in cautiously, "that Chastity should stay somewhere else for the rest of the night, being as she can't go back to her apartment and she can't stay here."

"She can stay with me," Gus volunteered.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Gus..." Juliet shook her head. "She can stay with me. I can protect her if that guy comes back."

Gus made a tsking noise as Chastity sat up.

"Like a sleepover?" she asked.

"Yes," Juliet smiled. "Like a sleepover."

"Yay!" Chastity squealed and jumped up from the bed. "A sleepover! A sleepover! A sleepover with Juliet!" 

"You don't have to get so excited..." Shawn muttered under his breath as he glanced at the clock, which read 8:30pm. "What time does that pub close?"

"Probably not until late," Lassiter mused. "Why?"

"Gus, we need to go back to that pub."

"But..." Gus started.

"There's something we're missing, and I'm going to go find out what it is." Shawn pushed past Lassie and exited the hotel room, Gus reluctantly following him.

Lassiter and Juliet watched them go, then turned to each other. "I'll go get the surveillance tapes; you take her," he gestured toward Chastity, who was now eagerly gathering her things, "back to your place."

"Then what?"

"Then stay home, O'Hara. We need eyes on her all the time now that we have another crazed whacko on the loose using a dead man's name."

"You're probably right," Juliet said putting a hand on her head. "I'll take her to my place and keep an eye on her tonight." 

Chastity bounded up eagerly next to Juliet. "I have all my clothes and my toothbrush. I'm ready."

Juliet smiled kindly as she ushered Chastity out of the room.


	8. Bar Room Blitz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn and Gus accidentally start a fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

After stopping by the Smith apartment to borrow Gordon's football jerseys, Shawn and Gus arrived at the Dog and Pony, taking two abandoned seats at the bar. There were at least three different matches being broadcasted on the large screens scattered throughout the bar. But Shawn wasn't interested in the games; he was more interested in the watchers.

"Remind me again what we're doing here, Shawn," Gus said as they took their seats.

"I told you, Gus. I get the feeling I'm missing something...something really obvious."

"Did you have a fight with Juliet?"

"What? No. What would make you ask that?"

"Because you were talking about opening an ice cream shop on the way over here," Gus pointed out.

"Shoppe. We're not having issues, Gus," Shawn sighed, clearly annoyed by the assertion.

The barkeep had made his way over to them before Gus had a chance to retort. "What'll it be, boys?"

"My partner will have a martini, stirred not shaken, and I will have a martini, shaken not stirred. Hold the vodka, make it club soda, and substitute pineapple for the olives." Shawn answered before Gus could say anything. The barkeep stared at them, shook his head, and went to fill their drink orders. When he left, Shawn turned to survey the rest of the room. 

Men huddled in pods around the tables across the pub, alternatively cheering and groaning. Nothing out of the ordinary, no one that seemed out of place. But there was that guy sitting in the corner booth by himself, a dark hood over his face, just like the suspect that Lassiter and Juliet had unsuccessfully tried to identify earlier. Shawn turned back toward the bar.

"See that guy over there?" Shawn asked Gus as he nodded in the hooded man's direction.

Gus glanced sidelong at the booth. "Yeah?"

"I think that's the guy the barkeep told Lassie and Juliet about earlier."

"How do we know he's actually our guy?"

"My gut is telling me that's our guy."

"My gut is telling me it's been two hours since my last meal," Gus frowned. "I wonder if they have food here."

The barkeep brought them their club sodas with a wedge of pineapple. Shawn nodded toward his beard. "Nice beard."

"Do you have any food here?" Gus inquired.

"Fish & chips, bangers & mash, probably have some crisps in the back..." bartender trailed off.

"I have no idea what any of that is," Shawn shook his head.

"I'll have some fish & chips," Gus sighed as the barkeep disappeared again into the kitchen.

"I'm gonna go see if I can talk to mister hoodie over there. You stay here and keep out of trouble," Shawn said as he slid off the stool. Gus said nothing; his attention had been captured by the game on the screen. When Shawn vacated his seat, another man came and sat next to Gus, also wearing a Man U jersey.

Gus glanced over at him. "Did you see that ludicrous display last night?" The man turned to face Gus. "I mean," Gus continued, "What was that ref thinking!" The man turned away from him, shaking his head.

"Did you hear about Pluto?" Gus mumbled.

"Is this seat taken?" Shawn asked as he slid into the booth with the mystery hooded man. "Shawn Spencer, psychic detective. I wanted to ask you about Gordon Smith."

The hooded figure didn't move. Shawn's eyes narrowed as he noticed a wedding band on her left hand then returned his focus to the figure in front of him.

"I don't know if you know this, but Smith is dead and you were the last person to see him alive. Which makes you a suspect."

"I didn't kill Gordon," the hooded figure said in a woman's voice. She had the same Westchester accent as Chastity. "I was trying to warn him."

"Warn him about what?"

"His brother, Gordon."

"You have got to be kidding me. Who gives both kids the same name?"

The hooded woman shook her head. "I gave up on that a while ago. The Smiths are an...interesting family. Lots of skeletons in the closet."

"Sounds crowded." Shawn sipped his club soda. "What can you tell me about Gordon?"

"Which one?"

"The live one."

"Not the dead one?"

"We'll get to that in a minute," Shawn promised.

"Alright. Gordon came to America looking for his daughter."

"Chastity," Shawn supplied.

"Yes," the figure confirmed. "She had been kidnapped by her uncle a number of years ago and he brought her to America. Don't know why; jealous maybe, who knows? Anyhow, Gordon the father has been trying to find her for the last few years, ever since he found out he had a daughter. Had a tricky time of it, I'll tell you that. But all he wanted was to get his little girl back."

"And Gordon the uncle? What's his story?" Shawn popped the pineapple garnish into his mouth.

"Kidnapped the girl years ago. Guess he wanted to keep her away from the family. Was doing a good job of it up until a couple of years ago. Problem was he took her out of the country perfectly legal, so the coppers couldn't do anything about it. The crown was going to have a heck of a time trying to extradite a man when he couldn't be convicted of a crime."

"So..." Shawn gulped down the rest of his club soda.

"So, I sent Gordon a letter in the mail and came to warn him. Told him his brother knows where he is and is coming to get his daughter back. Gordon panicked, told me he was going to try to leave, but someone found him first."

"Who?"

The woman shrugged. "Don't know. Man made plenty of enemies abroad. Maybe that was another reason for coming to the States."

"Cops didn't find anything on him though."

"They're not looking in the right place."

"Not looking in the right place? What other place should we be looking?"

"Is that a Corgi?" the woman pointed behind him. Shawn's brow furrowed and he turned to where the woman was pointing. There was nothing there, but when Shawn turned back, the figure was gone.

"So much for that," he sighed as he slid out of the booth.

At the bar, Gus was unsuccessfully trying to talk football with the patron next to him. "I mean, that's messed up, right?"

"Are you talking about Pluto again?" Shawn groaned as he sided up next to Gus. "You really need to find a different conversation starter." 

The man sitting next to Gus got up without saying anything, so Shawn took the vacated seat.

"What'd you find out?" Gus asked.

"Pretty much nothing. There are literally too many people with a motive to go after this guy. Not to mention the parents named both of their sons Gordon? Who does that?"

"You're joking."

"I wish I was, Gus. I wish I was."

"Who does that?"

"That's what I'm saying," Shawn said as he stared up at the television. "Oh look, that guy just passed the other guy the ball. And now he's going to run down the field. And now the guy from the other team took the ball away. How is this interesting?"

"These men are athletes, Shawn."

"It's so boring!" Shawn said a little too loudly. Several men turned toward him. "How loudly did I say that?"

"Pretty loud, Shawn," Gus confirmed.

"I'm sorry, that, heh, that was rude of me. I'm sorry. Uh..pardon." Shawn laughed nervously. "I didn't mean that the game was boring...these..the players are clearly very gifted athletes..."

Some of the men who had turned to face Shawn were now getting up and coming toward him.

"I'm not normally this rude," Shawn said, trying to switch tactics. "Gus help me out here!"

"No can do, Shawn. You got yourself into this, you can get out of it."

"I'm not normally this rude," Shawn repeated. "It's just that I got this new hair product that claimed it was going to turn my hair a glorious auburn." Shawn pointed to his hair. "Clearly, the packaging was lying to me, and I'm taking it out on you all here, when, heh, but it's clearly not your fault..."

Men were still advancing toward him. Shawn continued to grin nervously. Gus was trying unsuccessfully to try and hide behind Shawn.

"Rude and not ginger," Shawn shrugged.

"Football...is boring?" a stout Scottish man leaned into Shawn's face.

"Heh. Did...did I say that? I think I meant to say roaring. Isn't that slang for something?"

"NO," the Scot said emphatically.

"Hate Man U!" shouted another Brit from the back of the crowd. A portion of the men turned to face the shouter.

"Now, that's just uncalled for," Shawn started, but seconds later, he was ducking to avoid flying arms as a fight broke out in the bar. "Not good." He turned to Gus who was crouching under the counter holding his basket of chips.

"Gus! This is hardly the time to be eating!"

"On the contrary; it's the perfect time."

The Scot leaned down in Shawn's face. "Thought you were getting away, were you?"

"No, no, of course not."

"Thought so." He grabbed Shawn by the collar and flung him into one of the standup tables in the middle of the room. The table broke under the weight and Shawn landed on his back on the floor where the Scot grabbed him again and swung him into another table. Shawn screamed as he landed on two other brawlers and the three men lay sprawled on the floor. He could hear the barkeep shouting for the fighting to stop but no one really seemed to be paying attention.

The front door to the pub swung open and uniformed officers streamed in to the room, guns drawn, shouting for everyone to break it up and get down on the floor.

Shawn lifted his head from the floor. "This just keeps getting better," he sighed as he rested his head back on the floor.


	9. From Santa Barbara With Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn puts the final pieces of the puzzle in place. Lassie just wants to be left alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

Shawn and Gus sat in Chief Vick's office, Henry lurking in the corner, arms crossed. Shawn held an ice pack to the back of his neck and cringed every time he moved to make himself more comfortable.

"I am at a loss for words," Vick said slowly. "I honestly don't know what to say. I asked you explicitly not to get into any trouble, and you start a fight in a pub? This is unacceptable, gentlemen."

"Chief," Shawn winced. "We were following a lead, and the situation may have escalated a little out of control..."

"A little?" Chief Vick cut in. "A little? Shawn, I ought to have put you down there in a cell with the rest of those brawlers."

"I agree," Henry chimed in from the back of the room.

"Dad!"

"I'm tired of making excuses and bailing you out of everything, Shawn!"

"You make excuses for me?"

"Henry! Enough!" Chief Vick shouted. "Both of you!" She took a deep breath and exhaled. "Now, what I should do is pull you off this case, but at the express wish of Miss Chastity Smith, I am going to give you another chance."

"Yes!" Shawn jumped up from the chair and winced again. "We won't let you down."

"Not so fast, Mr. Spencer. I want a close watch kept on you, so if you go anywhere or do anything, Detective Lassiter or O'Hara will be accompanying you to make sure there are no more...shenanigans."

"Thank you, Chief," Gus said politely as he rose from his chair.

"Now get out of my office before I change my mind." Vick looked back down at her desk and busied herself with a stack of papers while Shawn, Gus, and Henry filed out of the room.

"What were you thinking!?" Henry rounded on Shawn as soon as they were out of Vick's office.

"I told you, Dad, I was following a lead. Which actually didn't give me much of anything, really, except more suspects."

"More suspects? How did that happen?"

"Well, in a nutshell, hooded man is actually a woman and Chastity is at the center of a transatlantic family feud."

"Hooded man is actually a woman?" Gus repeated.

"Yes, Gus, I told you this last night. Keep up." Shawn shook his head dismissively. "Anyway, both the victim and the man that broke into Chastity's hotel last night are named Gordon Smith. Uncle kidnapped Chastity and brought her to America legally, but not before making some enemies in merry Olde England, then proceeded to hide Chastity from the family."

"Do we know why?" Henry asked as he sat down at his desk.

"No clue. I was kinda hoping you could help me fill in some blanks."

"Well, we did get that warrant for the medical records, but that didn't give us much of anything. Looks like Chastity is the only citizen of Little Britain with a medical alert bracelet, and that's because she's a mentally retarded female."

"Say what?" Gus interjected.

"Mentally retarded female," Henry repeated.

Shawn remembered the monograph on her bracelet, MR F. It wasn't a name, it was just an acronym. "MR F. Mentally retarded female."

Henry rolled his eyes. "That's right, Shawn."

"That actually explains quite a bit," Shawn sighed. "What else?"

"When Lassiter told me that Gordon Smith broke into the hotel last night after he was supposed to have died two days ago, I did some more digging and found Chastity's birth certificate." Henry brought up a photocopy on his computer screen. "It lists a M. Gordon Smith as her father, but after running DNA on our body, we determined the man in our morgue really is the father and not the uncle - M. Gordon Smith."

"So her uncle really was her father..." Shawn nodded. "Best. Twist. Ever."

"Oh there's more," Henry continued. "Gordon Smith the deceased did have a number of gambling debts that he neglected to pay before he left the country, which matches with what you just told me. But there's still no record of a Gordon Smith having been in the country until a couple of days ago."

"You're looking in the wrong place," the hooded figure had said last night.

"Where should we be looking?" Shawn had asked.

"Dad, check the immigration records from when Chastity came to America," Shawn said leaning next to the screen.

"Okay," Henry said slowly. "What are we looking for?"

"I'll know when I see it," Shawn mumbled as he scanned the records. "Wait, there." He pointed at the screen. "Check that guy."

"Mickey Smith?" Henry frowned.

"Just look at it."

Henry brought up the record and Shawn read over it, grinning. "This is him."

"How can you tell?" Gus leaned closer.

"Look at the name." Shawn pointed at the screen. "M. Gordon Smith. Mickey Gordon Smith. The guy went by his middle name, not his first name. That's why we couldn't find him in the system or why it looks like he only came into the country a couple of days ago." Shawn looked up at Gus. "I think I know who our murderer is. I'll take Lassie and go back to the apartment; you go get Jules and Chastity." Shawn crossed the room to where Lassiter was sitting at his desk flipping through paperwork.

"What is it, Spencer?"

"We need to go back to the scene of the crime."

"So take Guster with you." Lassiter glared at him.

"Vick's orders. Either you or Juliet has to go with me wherever I go in Little Britain."

"I would rather kiss a squirrel. Take O'Hara."

"She's not in the office yet. Besides, I require your expertise as the...head detective." Shawn grinned slyly. "I know how the murderer is."

Lassiter's mouth twitched into a small smile before he grew serious again. "Fine. But this better be good."


	10. For British Eyes Only

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn reveals the real murderer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

Shawn found the milk jug in the fridge, pulled it out, sniffed it, nodded, and emptied the jug into a glass on the counter.

"Spencer, you brought me all the way out here. Are you going to tell me who the murder is now or do I have to wait for the whole speech?" 

Shawn took a drink of the milk and walked out of the kitchen. "Don't rush me, Lassie. Besides, there's a valuable piece of information that I need to find before I can confirm my vision." He took another swig of milk to finish the glass. "I came here to kick ass and drink milk and I've just finished my milk." He shuffled through the papers on the table looking for the letter in amongst the bills, but it wasn't there. 

"That's odd, where is it?"

"Spencer..." Lassiter said behind him.

"Looking for this?" a voice asked next to Shawn's ear. He could hear whoever we behind him waving a piece of paper. Shawn turned slowly to face Gordon Smith who had guns trained on both him and Lassie. Lassie had his weapon pulled as well.

"Yes, that would be what I am looking for, Trevor. A letter to your cousin, Mickey."

"Very good," the man smiled. "You've figured it out."

"Yes, I have. I've figured out everything." Shawn smiled. "You see, after you broke into Chastity's hotel room under the name of a supposed dead man, I got suspicious. Mostly because I didn't understand why a person would give their sons the same name, but that's not really important. But then I met who I can only assume to be your wife in the pub last night and everything became clear.

"Mickey Gordon Smith left the country with his daughter to escape some gambling debts, but since he is often confused for his brother because he doesn't go by his first name, he knew he would have to enter the country under his first name. So he did. He thought he was home free...until he got your wife's letter, telling him that his brother Gordon had died and he was coming in to a large sum of money. Enough money in fact to pay off his gambling debts and Chastity's medical bills.

"But you couldn't let that happen. So, you followed him home from the pub, not knowing that your wife had warned him you were after him. Except that she thought you were Gordon; she never actually suspected that you were the one that was after Mickey.

"If you would be so kind as to lift your sleeve and show me the medical alert bracelet you're wearing."

Trevor shook his sleeve enough that the bracelet was visible on his right wrist. Shawn smiled at Lassie. "See?"

"Shawn what..." Juliet entered the apartment, Gus and Chastity close behind her. "What is going on here?" She pulled her own gun and pointed it at Trevor.

"You're just in time, Jules. I was getting to the good part."

"Why does that man have a gun?" Chastity asked. "I thought he was my father..."

"No, Chastity, I'm sorry, he's not your father. He's an imposter with a really good dye job. Where did you get your hair done?"

Trevor waved his gun in Shawn's face. "Never mind, we'll get to that later.

"Getting caught on camera was your first mistake. Coming back to the flat to kill Mickey was your second, mostly because you didn't count on Chastity hiding in her room. She heard you arguing when you followed him in from the street. He was angry when he realized you were here and tried to get you to leave, but that wasn't going to happen. You got into an altercation. Mickey wasn't much of a fighter so it was easy to overpower him, but what to do with the body when you realized you had beat him to death? 

"So you decided to make it look like a suicide by throwing the body out the window. But the window was harder to open than you anticipated. It slammed open, which was the first slam Chastity heard from her room; she just thought the door was slamming closed and someone had left. And she was half right.

"Now, knowing that Chastity's immediate family was dead, she would have gone into a group home, meaning that the money from the uncle's will would pass to the next relative, a cousin by the name of Trevor Leeds, who was in deep with his own gambling debts, who had been nursing his uncle while he was sick, but was never going to see a dime of the money unless he could knock a few other players out of the game. Motive." Shawn smiled and bowed.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself, Trevor?" Juliet asked.

"Put the guns down on the floor and keep your hands where I can see them," Lassiter said as he moved toward Trevor. "You are under arrest for the murder of Mickey Gordon Smith."

Trevor said nothing, took his fingers off the triggers of the guns and laid them on the ground before Lassie wrestled him into cuffs and lead him out of the room, Juliet close behind him.

"How did you figure it out?" Chastity gushed as she embraced him.

"Once I remembered the letter you got from your cousin's wife, the rest was easy." Shawn smiled as she planted a kiss on his cheek. Gus frowned.

"You really are a magician," she squealed.

"I suppose I am, aren't I? And for my next trick, we will have a celebratory lunch at the restaurant down the street and I will make the food disappear. Gus will pay."


	11. I Can't Believe We Went Out With a Kleptomaniac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shawn and Gus clean up the Psych office and Shawn realizes he has lost something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

At the Psych office later that afternoon, Gus and Shawn were trying to clear space after their game and painting day with Chastity.

"Such a sweet girl," Gus shook his head. "I can't believe she's mentally disabled."

"Well, it does explain her odd taste in fashion and her childlike demeanor."

"You sure you're not mentally disabled? That might explain your childlike demeanor."

"That hurts Gus." Shawn clutched at his chest. "Right here, in my heart place."

Gus rolled his eyes. "Still, it's a shame she had to go back to Britain."

"Yeah, I was kind of sorry she couldn't stay," Shawn smiled as he cleared Uno cards off his desk, but frowned as he finished picking up the cards. "Uh-oh."

"What uh-oh? Did you lose something again?"

"Yes. Something that shouldn't have even been able to leave the office."

Gus dropped the trash bag he was holding and walked over the Shawn's desk. Aside from the usual clutter, Gus didn't see anything that was missing...aside from the cordless phone, but Shawn was rarely able to keep track of the phones. "What are you looking for?"

"A mixtape."

"A mixtape? Seriously? Are we in junior high?"

"I'm very serious, Gus. Why would I joke about something like this?"

"Why were you making a mix tape?"

"I was drinking, and you know my dad has that sweet stereo system in the living room."

Gus bobbed his head yes and rolled his eyes. "Yeah. But that's all?"

"It was a mixtape for Jules, okay?" Shawn sighed. "I was thinking about giving to her but it's disappeared before I could make a decision."

"You made a mixtape for Juliet?"

"Yes, I made her a mixtape of songs that...explain how I feel about her. You know I'm not so good with the words, Gus." Gus stared at him but said nothing, waiting for him to continue. "But then that whole thing with Gina and Declan happened and I sort of lost my nerve."

"Shawn, this is getting ridiculous," Gus started.

"Can you...not judge me for like five minutes and try to help me find it?" Shawn shook his head and continued to move around papers and game boxes. Gus went around the front of the desk and started to roll up the butcher paper they had been finger painting on when Shawn popped up from behind his desk.

"Is anything of yours gone?" Shawn inquired.

Gus's brow furrowed as he stood and went to his desk, shuffled some papers and opened and shut several drawers. "My chocolate coins are gone," Gus said slowly.

Shawn remembered yesterday when Juliet had called, Chastity had gotten up and been looking through the top drawer of Gus's desk.

"Paint on the handle?" Shawn asked.

"Yes," Gus confirmed.

"Chastity took your coins," Shawn sighed. "She probably took my tape for Juliet too." Shawn's eyes widened. "And she spent the night at Jules' house last night. She might have given it to her not knowing what it was!"

"Man, I was saving those chocolate coins!"

"More importantly, I can't believe we went out with a Klepto."

"Man!" Gus wailed.


	12. Mystery Mixtape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juliet finds a mixtape when she is cleaning her house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: I do not own Psych or any of the characters. All rights belong to their respective writers and parent television companies.
> 
> Notes: Episodes used for reference: Spellingg Bee; Weekend Warriors; He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not, He Loves Me, Oops He's Dead!; Scary Sherry: Bianca's Toast; Meat is Murder, but Murder is also Murder; Rob-a-Bye Baby; Bounty Hunters!; Murder?...Anyone?...Anyone?...Bueller?; Talk Derby to Me; An Evening with Mr. Yang; Bollywood Homicide; Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark; A Very Juliet Episode; Death is in the Air; Mr. Yin Presents. In the overall canon, this is season 5 between "Shawn 2.0" and "One, Maybe Two, Ways Out".

Juliet turned the key in the lock and entered her house, shutting the door behind her, dropped her keys on the table next to the door, and flipped through her stack of mail. She would have gone to Declan's tonight, but he was in Britain (of all places) closing some business deal and wouldn't be back until the end of the week. Plus, her place was still kind of a mess after Chastity slept over the night before.

She sighed and tossed the mail and her back on the kitchen counter, grabbed a trash can, and gathered the napkins and paper plates from the pizza she had ordered. She took the cups to the sink and rinsed them before putting them in the dishwasher. She was on her way back to her bedroom when she noticed something else sitting on the coffee table - a cassette tape that had her name and a little drawing of two stick people. She turned the tape over in her hands - there were no clues whatsoever as to where or from whom the tape came. The labeling was all typed in a readable font, so it wasn't like there was any mistaking that it said "Juliet"...unless there was another Juliet, but that was unlikely. 

She frowned. Who made mixtapes anymore anyway?

Shrugging, she set the tape back on the table and went to her room to change out of her work clothes and find her old stereo. She rummaged through the closet in her bedroom and in the second bedroom before she found it. It was somewhat dusty, but she was pretty sure it still worked. She dragged it into her bedroom, set it on her dresser, went back to the coffee table to retrieve the tape, took the tape out of its case and popped it into her ancient cassette player. She waited anxiously as the machine clicked for a moment before the first song started to play: Sowing the Seeds of Love by Tears for Fears.

Interesting choice, she mused as she plopped onto her bed with her copy of Pride and Prejudice she had sitting on her nightstand next to her phone. She tried to read a couple of paragraphs, but she found she was too engrossed in the mystery mix to be able to concentrate on Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy.

Juliet found she wasn't overly crazy about some of the song choices, but she did like Caught Up in You by .38 Special, I Want You To Want Me by The Hit Crew and Head Over Heels by Tears for Fears. Actually, was that the second Tears for Fears song on this mix? 

Her phone rang, interrupting her thoughts. It was Declan, calling from England.

"Hey! I was just thinking about you."

"Something good, I hope."

"Oh definitely," she smiled. "How is England?"

"Rainy. Looking forward to sunny Santa Barbara."

"Aww."

"I miss you," he said.

"I miss you, too."

"I'll be there before you know it."

"I can't wait. Hey, by the way, thanks for the mixtape. It was so sweet of you to leave it for me."

Declan paused. "I have to be honest with you, Juliet."

"Okay..."

"I didn't make you a mixtape and leave it at your place."

"You didn't?"

"I'm sorry, Juliet."

"No, no, it's fine. I just...thought it was from you. It has all these love songs on it..." she trailed off. "You're sure it wasn't you?"

"I wish it was. Maybe the mixtape fairy has been to your house knowing I have been thinking about you."

Juliet snorted. "The mixtape fairy?"

"Yeah..." Declan trailed off. "I have to go, babe. I'll call you later. Bye Juliet!"

"Bye." She hung up the phone sadly.

If Declan hadn't made the tape for her, who had? And how had it wound up in her house?

Her phone rang again. The caller ID said it was Shawn.

She bit her lip and reached for the phone, but her hand just hovered over it until it stopped ringing. The screen showed a missed call, but she immediately erased it. She didn't want to think about the possibility that it had been from Shawn, and yet...

She got up, stopped the tape, dove back into bed, turned off the bedside lamp, and stared at the ceiling until she fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shawn's Mix for Juliet - http://www.sendspace.com/file/yh1j9r  
> Side A  
> Sowing the Seeds of Love - Tears for Fears  
> Somebody to Love - Queen  
> Do You Believe in Love? - Huey Lewis and the News  
> Space Age Love Song - A Flock of Seagulls  
> Caught Up in You - .38 Special  
> Every Little Thing She Does is Magic - The Police  
> Magic - The Cars  
> All Out of Love - Air Supply  
> And She Was - Talking Heads  
> Wild Horses - The Sundays  
> Side B  
> Take Me Home Tonight - Every Avenue  
> I Want You to Want Me - The Hit Crew  
> Head over Heels/Broken - Tears for Fears  
> I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers  
> Do You Realize?? - The Flaming Lips  
> You Are the Girl - The Cars  
> Could It Be Another Change - The Samples  
> Amarillon - Datarock  
> Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Morten Harket  
> Check Yes, Juliet - We The Kings  
> The Promise - When In Rome


End file.
